The face mask is not for everyone these days. Why? Maybe recently too much of a good thing and need a break. Right?
But, depending on where you are reading this from - I don’t mean if you are sitting in your comfy armchair or at your work desk - I mean whichever country you are viewing from – you could be forced to wear that mask.
Why?
Because of some disease that will remain nameless – not because it doesn't have a name or I can’t remember it – mask-wearing is still compulsory in certain places, in certain places within certain places, and may even be advisable to be worn within certain places within certain places within certain places.
You never know when you are likely to wander into a ‘mask zone’, so if you just want to give yourself peace of mind by wearing a mask, buying a mask is the best way to know that you have a mask if you are planning to wear it.
Of course, you could put a mask on and become a robber – that is your choice, but we here at Just Paisley do not recommend criminality of any kind – particularly of the criminal kind.
But why the Paisley mask?
If you wear a mask, it makes sense for it to be classy, colourful, and memorable, and a Paisley mask will always be at least one of those things, sometimes at least two of these things, and normally all three.
Key Point: If your Paisley face mask is worn as a thong face mask, it can only be 2 of these things and I don't need to tell you which 2!
Now, at this point, we would do well to be open and transparent and advise that other masks are available. So, in the interest of being open and transparent, other masks are available!
Our opinion is that the biggest challenger to the Paisley mask, the animal-themed mask, comes with many problems. The largest, obviously, is that there is a danger you become mistaken for the animal featured on the animal mask.
Now, say you are wearing a tiger face mask, then it is likely that someone will mistake you for a tiger. And yes, you are well aware of the dangers you are running. There are many sick individuals out there who would love to shoot one of these beautiful animals – and if they just happened to think that they have seen one in downtown Dallas, then the likelihood is that one of these sickos will want to take it down.
Key Point: While it is not our intention to promote animal-themed masks, we would say that if you do wear one and find yourself confused for the animal – then to get out of the sights of any hunter, we advise you to run around a corner and quickly take your mask off.
Additional Key Point: If you follow the key point above, it is vital that you act perfectly normal once you have turned that corner. If you act suspiciously, then the hunter might think you are the animal disguising itself as a human, and shoot you anyway.
How do I store my face mask?
It’s a question we are often asked. (???) And for us, there is only one answer – that branches off into 10 separate answers:
Store your face mask as you would store your bra!
So, for all people with breasts who also wear bras – we would advise you to follow your bra-storing technique for storing your face masks.
For those who do not wear bras, we would recommend you ask someone you know who wears a bra (and the bit about knowing them is important) the following question:
‘How do you store your bras?'
Do not be surprised if you are given a funny look by the person you have asked the question. But, please follow up quickly with the following statement:
‘I was just wondering because I want to find out how to store my Paisley face masks.’
Do not be surprised if you are given a funny look by the person to whom you have addressed the statement. And be prepared for that funny look to remain during the conversation – no matter how long it lasts!
10 Ways To Store Your Bras (And Your Paisley Face Mask)
An alternative to asking someone how they store their bras would be to look at some of the following 10 bra-storing suggestions, and adapt them to your mask:
1. Put them neatly inside your underwear drawer. (Note, you do not need to worry about tangled clips with masks)
2. Hang them on a coat hanger. (Coats love the thought that so many other items – shirts, blouses, jackets, ties, bras and now even masks are hung on their hanger)
3. Put them inside a shoe box. (The perennial favourite to store everything that is not a shoe inside – and of burglars to be the first thing they will look inside)
4. Leave them strewn on your bedroom floor. (Only recommended if you live alone)
5. Buy a custom-designed bra lingerie storage utensil. (We know that lingerie and utensil don’t really fit in the same sentence)
6. Leave them inside your jacket pocket. (Suitable only for small bras, but all face masks)
7. Hang them on the back of a kitchen chair. (Perfect for reminding you to put your bra on before you leave your home)
8. Keep them in the glove pocket of your car. (This could raise suspicion if your partner finds your bra, but not your face mask)
9. Leave inside your washing machine. (Only recommended if your bra needs to be washed - this is only a temporary or holding or even, dare I say ‘supporting’ bra storage use – your washing machine will likely be needed soon to wash other dirty items – like face masks)
10. Keep them in a Paisley tote shopping bag. (Ideal if you only wear a bra and/or mask to go shopping, but not ideal if that is all you wear)
Face mask-wearing tips
Face masks – like all items of clothing – have other potential uses. These should never be overlooked when deciding which mask to buy if buying a mask.
Here are a few more tips that might help your decision-making:
1. Don’t wear a blue medical face mask if you are trying to impress. No, wear a different coloured or patterned face mask – ideally Paisley.
2. Wear a blue medical face mask if you are trying to protect your health and impressing is not your thing (on this particular occasion). The N95 face mask or a surgical face mask are best for protecting (it’s just a pity they don’t come in Paisley).
3. Wear a face mask if you want to look interesting. Face masks are possibly not as interesting as eye patches, but with adaptation, they could also double up as an eye patch. (We won’t tell you how to turn them into eye patches in this article – you will need to look elsewhere for that)
4. A Paisley face mask offers limited protection against the nameless disease. But, it provides perfect cover if you plan to rob a bank. While the black face mask, or its overweight friend, the black balaclava, is almost an obligatory bank robber staple – the Paisley face mask is not so! Everyone knows what could happen if you walk into a bank wearing a black balaclava. If you walk in with a Paisley face mask, let’s face it, people might conceivably expect you to burst into song!
Key Point: This should not be taken as a recommendation to wear a badass black Paisley bandana face mask or any other black Paisley bandana apparel to go out and rob a bank. But if you do, you need to make it a black disposable face mask, or more accurately 'a black to be disposed of face mask' regardless of whether it is disposable or not.
Additional Key Point: If you are even thinking of robbing a bank – don’t! It will not be worth it – the local police or Liam Neeson will find you. And as far as we know, you will not be allowed to wear Paisley Pattern clothing of any kind during your considerable stint in the slammer. So, is that really what you want?
Before we finish, and you click through again to find that Paisley mask of your dreams, just a few other points Just Paisley knows will have jumped into your brain while reading this.
Reusable v Disposable Face Mask
Reusable is always better for the planet, but ensure it does not catch on that bra when you place it in the washing machine.
Front-facing or back
Never wear your mask to the back. It is pointless, stupid, and unworthy of you.
Common or designer
Many non-designer face masks do the job just as well but don't take that as the green light to take the DIY face mask route. A homemade face mask will subtract from the rest of your outfit and will likely cost you that job, relationship, etc.
Nose covering or not
If there is one thing that riles us more than seeing a person wear a face mask but not covering their nose – well, we cannot think of it. They would be better off disregarding the previous point’s advice and wearing their masks backward. In fact, they might be better off wearing it as a sock, thong, or bow tie.
We could go on, but we would need to get our blood pressure pills before doing so.