There is something wonderful about hip flasks, particularly a Paisley silver hip flask. The iconic pattern just fits in so well with the flask's small, smooth design and feel. But what else attracts us to the hip flask?
Everyone feels that air of legal illegality when someone in the party pulls out their hip flask. You just feel that you should be looking around to see if anyone can see you, as everyone takes their turn swigging from that little bottle of heaven.
Let’s face it, when someone pulls out their hip flask, there is always that element of surprise. Always! And the great thing is that even when it is not you who pulls it out, you still know you will be offered a dram – and you cannot say that about your other ordinary liquid bottles.
When the hip flask first comes out – there is a feeling of instant respect. That is why, if possible, you should be the one who is producing the flask. And alongside that respect comes the group feeling that you have become the instigator of naughtiness.
Now, I am not a Just Paisley marketing guru but if I were to be titled ‘The Instigator of Naughtiness’, I would be well chuffed. Admittedly, it’s not ‘The King of England’, but it’s up there (and it would be a good, but not great name for a YouTube channel about hip flasks).
And this group naughtiness – of the un-naughty kind – usually starts with a huddle. Not an actual physical coming together in the rugby scrum sense. No, it’s more like a coming together, where the participants look as though they are trying to hide the hip flask from outsiders.
And the conversation always goes something like this:
‘Archibald Hieronymus MacGlumpherty (it is always the full name of the hip flask bringer) … you little devil (it is always something that is on the other side of the morality fence)… what have we here? (it’s always a rhetorical question because the asker knows exactly what is there). 'Put away the putters. It’s time for a break.’ (for putters, you can substitute anything associated with the other activity that has immediately become superfluous).
Of course, Archibald Hieronymus MacGlumpherty is not about to tell what is inside his vintage hip flask. No, he will simply pass it to the nearest person, who will immediately take a swig from it – no questions asked!
Everyone will then take their turn to drink from the flask while ensuring they are not the one who finishes its contents. That honour will pass back to Archibald Hieronymus MacGlumpherty, whose duty it will be to finish off the hip flask.
All of this will take place over the course of a couple of minutes. Hygiene considerations will have gone out of the window because hip-flask drinking is an official extreme sport.
Drinking over, it will be for one of the group to say ‘That is exactly what we needed to warm us up on this cold Florida day.’
None of the drinkers will have a clue what they have just consumed, but when Archie tells them it is a Dalmore 25 years old triple malt, they will believe him, and they will feel they have just participated in a near-religious experience.
And then all will move on. But not before they have mentally noted what they want for Christmas – not another cartoon tie, or even a bottle of Dalmore 25 years old triple malt – no, a beautiful stainless steel hip flask!
And when they get that hip flask – hopefully, a Paisley hip flask, for the more discerning hip flask acquirer – they will put it away to be used on some auspicious occasion. Of course, by the time that occasion arrives, they will either have forgotten they own a hip flask, or they will have forgotten where they have put it.
And once remembered or reminded of by the giver of the flask, the hip flask owner will suddenly realise they have nothing worthy to put in the hip flask. It is not as if they are heading off to the Sahara – water will just not cut it!
In my country, Scotland, there is only one drink that can be put into a hip flask – vodka! No, I’m joking – it is, of course, Scotch whisky (which seems to be getting a few mentions here).
This article is in no way sponsored by any Scotch whisky company – even the one I mentioned earlier, only because it came to mind. There are other Scotch whiskies available – just as there are Scotch gins, and even vodka is made in Scotland. But, I seriously digress.
In Scotland, we also have round flasks - known as sporran flasks - which are officially the baw-faced brothers (look it up) of the hip flask.
Once in possession of your best hip flask, and after caressing it for much too long a time (it is understandable because they just feel so smooth and look so expensive – even though they are not), you will want to drink from it. You should! But just make sure it is in the right surroundings.
Opening your hip flask on a public bus is not recommended. It will make you look as if you have a drinking problem (in Scotland, we would call such a person a jakey) and in all seriousness, if you did do that, then you probably do.
But, whatever you drink from the hip flask, it will taste truly amazing. I don’t know what it is but drinking straight whisky from a hip flask will allow you to capture every single subtlety of the brand you are drinking.
And that’s it! For me, the Paisley hip flask is up there with Paisley coasters, Paisley shirts and Paisley banjo stickers as one of our favourite examples of Paisley. And since we come from Paisley, we think we know that a Paisley hip flask as a gift – even as a gift to yourself - will just be so much appreciated.
