Up until now, we at Just Paisley have promoted the Paisley drinks coaster as our favourite Paisley item. But, no longer – now it is a tie! No, not a tie in the sense of a Paisley tie (although the Paisley tie remains one of our top 10 ever Paisley items). No, it is the tie, as we would say in Paisley that is ‘a draw’, a matched score, a leveled conclusion, the bit before overtime. I think you have it by now (but your slowness concerns me).
No, the item the coaster is tied with is the iPhone case.
Just scroll down – and yes, I mean at the end of the sentence after this one – and look at all of the images on this page. Once done, don’t forget to scroll back up to this point, or more precisely to the point where this sentence ends (which is now).
Beautiful! Agreed? Thank you!
The Paisley iPhone case packs Paisley. It is small, it is vibrant, it is colourful, and it is every word you can think of that falls just short of ‘perfection’. (Near-perfection is nearly a word and is close to perfection as you will get in a near word – without being perfect)
And now that you know what perfection looks like (I did until recently when I lost my Paisley mirror), I suspect you will eventually do one of these 10 things.
1. Buy yourself a Paisley iPhone case for your iPhone.
2. Ask a loved one to buy you a Paisley iPhone case for your iPhone.
3. Ask a random stranger to buy you a Paisley iPhone case for your iPhone (not recommended).
4. Find out if there is a Paisley phone case available to fit your non-iPhone (there is!).
5. Attempt to squeeze your non-iPhone into a Paisley iPhone case you bought because you just had to have it (not recommended).
6. Change your non-iPhone to an iPhone.
7. Change your iPhone to a non-iPhone (this only occurs when the Paisley iPhone case consumes you and you want some semblance of a life back).
8. Pretend to yourself that you don’t know what an iPhone and/or an iPhone case is (once mastered, you will find you go into denial about everything).
9. If you are anti-phone, then carry an empty iPhone case.
10. Decide whether you will stick to one Paisley iPhone case, or have one for every day of the week.
If you go for number 10, here are my suggested planetary-inspired colours for each day:
SUNDAY (Sun): Orange
MONDAY (Moon): White
TUESDAY (Mars): Red
WEDNESDAY (Mercury): Green
THURSDAY (Jupiter): Yellow
FRIDAY (Venus): Pink
SATURDAY (Saturn): Black or Blue
Note - I know that the Sun and Moon are not planets and it is actually a pub in Skegness.
This is the point when I tell you something you don’t want to hear. Your luxury iPhone case will one day be toast! Not toast in the sense that you will stick some butter on it, and eat it (although I am sure some clever people will be working on that particular reality). No, your old iPhone case will eventually need to be retired from service.
For most, this will mean buying a new Paisley iPhone case and discarding the original.
‘Discard’ is such a harsh word and should never be applied to an iPhone case, particularly one that has given its life to protecting the most valuable item that people own, or indeed will ever own.
No, your colourful iPhone case should never, ever just be discarded. It deserves so much more! We don’t just discard the iPhone, so why should we discard the iPhone case? To use an analogy – we don’t just discard the car seat covers when we don’t discard the car. This analogy is not particularly strong or coherent, but I think it makes a point.
So, how do you thank the hardworking hardwearing iPhone case for its immaculate service? You could just let it loose in the woods, but would you do that with a domesticated cat? No, so here are some more sensible:
Alternative uses for that old Paisley iPhone case
1. Coaster
This should actually be the only suggestion. I don’t know why I am giving you six others. Reincarnating a Paisley iPhone case as a coaster is not only genius, it is almost supernatural. I would not be surprised if some iPhone cases could speak (and they can’t so if you hear a voice, then someone has probably called you and you have answered your phone without knowing it) … if they could speak, some would probably say that they were born to be coasters.
2. Soap dish
This would be for actual soap, not soap in a plastic bottle.
3. Jewellery tray
This would be for people with little little jewellery – as in small pieces of jewellery in small numbers.
4. Favourite paper clip holder
Try using the case as a holder for your favourite paper clips, not as the favourite of all your paper clip holders.
5. Luggage and Paisley lover identifier
Hook your iPhone case to your luggage and just wait to see what happens at the luggage carousel.
6. Exotic Paisley art
Sticking several Paisley iPhone cases onto canvas will create a memorable piece of modern art. You might remember the art, but others are more likely to remember you.
7. Used pencil holder
If creating a pencil holder, it will not be used – it will be new – but the pencils held within should be well-used if they are to fit into the repurposed iPhone case (unless of course, they are those short stubby ones used by golfers – in which case their golf pencil holder should fit very snugly in their golf bag with their Paisley hip flask).
And to clarify, yes, my Paisley mirror was perfect. What did you think I meant?
This line is just a reminder that if you originally scrolled down to this point, it is time to scroll back up to read the rest of the article. Once you have read the article and can’t remember doing so at this point, I am sorry, you are now stuck in a permanent loop where you will be reading this article for eternity. Now, scroll back up (after checking out the image below).
Reminder: Now scroll up! 😉