It would be fair to say that a Paisley mouse pad was not the first product manufactured with the Paisley design. However, it probably dates back further than you would think.
Back in the 1870s, in Paisley, Scotland – when times were tough – Paisley weavers would take samples of their woven produce home with them and superglue them to the walls of their poorly insulated homes.
They would also superglue the woven wafts to pieces of cardboard, and then every Friday night, they would gather with their friends to watch their pet mice run around on their Paisley mouse pads. It was their idea of fun – and who are we to say they were very sad individuals.
The above is not strictly true. Paisley mouse pads are a product of the computer age. Initially developed to support implanted pet mice being used to maneuver the cursor on a computer screen, the pad continued to be used when the actual pet mice were replaced with electronic mice (with the same dimensions).
In the early days of using electronic mice, when people were not used to them, many people were admitted to Casualty with mice bites, after manhandling their pet mice in the mistaken belief that they were grabbing an electronic mouse.
Eventually, all of the pet mice died off, to be fully replaced with electronic mice, and thankfully Casualty numbers returned to normal – and that is where we are now.
Key point: Pet mice have not completely died off – they are now used as… pet mice.
Thankfully there are no longer any expectations on them to aid their owner with their computer pursuits. This is just as well, as pet mice are not suited to the digital age.
While the electronic mouse revels in the fact it has replaced the animal mouse, it does not realise that its days are numbered too – not numbered two - numbered too.
With the onward march of technology, implants into the human eye and brain mean computers can be controlled through vision and thoughtful thought. This will mean that the electronic mouse will soon be resting with its forebears in the mouse cemetery, which may or may not be in the sky.
The above is also not strictly true. I’ll let you work out what is and what isn’t. Don’t worry, you will not be shamed in front of your friends when you admit you thought electronic mice and pet mice (mus musculus) were descended from the same mouse.
This article is not about mice – well, about 20% of it is - it is about the computer mouse pad, and more specifically the Paisley mouse pad.
Let us start with the common keyboard mouse pad. Unknown to man until the 1960s, it appeared at the same time as the first computer. This was no coincidence. While it would be fair to say that we probably could have had the computer without the mouse, and most definitely without the mouse pad, the electronic mouse – like everything created – soon wanted more. More comfort, style, accuracy, functionality – in short, more everything!
After some noisy and sometimes violent demonstrations, the large computer companies gave in and created the mouse pad for the mouse’s pleasure. Soon afterward, these same computer companies realised they too could benefit from a happy mouse.
As Bill Gates famously said, ‘Mouse pads are to mice, what horse coats are to horses.’ You won’t find that particular Bill Gates quote anywhere else because he only said it to me (it was quite noisy when we spoke so he might have said something else).
Some of the other things said above are not strictly accurate. The reality is that a laptop mouse pad is a direct descendant of the coaster. If you look at a Paisley drinks coaster and a Paisley mouse pad, you could be looking at siblings, though more likely than not, you will be looking at parent and child – as has happened with humans, the child ultimately growing to be much larger than the parent.
The coaster is the parent, and the small mouse pad is its much larger child.
Unlike the human parent, the coaster does not shrink – just as well as drinks glasses do not shrink either – so, there is little likelihood of a glass falling off a shriveled-up coaster.
And that takes us nicely to some of the alternative uses for a mouse pad. I can think of 29, but it’s late, so I’ll only list 6. If you have the time, you can try to work out the other 23.
Please don’t email me to find out what the other 23 are. I won’t reply because my time is too precious to get involved in such banal exchanges – and you should be thinking the same way about your time, too.
Alternative uses for a mouse pad
1. Coaster
This should be self-explanatory if you have just started to read the article at this point. If you have read the whole article up to this point, it has already been explained.
2. Mouse duvet cover
A rolled-up mouse pad will make the perfect mouse duvet cover for your pet mouse – which will obviously have the same dimensions as your electronic mouse. So, in a way, they were made for each other.
3. Exercise mat for a pet mouse
If the material from which your mouse pad is made is not suitable for a mouse duvet cover, it is likely – due to its firmness – that it will be ideal to be a mouse gymnastics mat.
4. Stain hider
Mouse pads are perfect for hiding stains.
Key Point: If your desk has multiple stains, you could opt for numerous mouse pads. This could look a little stupid, particularly if you continue to use only one mouse. ‘Back-up mouse pads’ do not cut it with those with some degree of digital proficiency – but maybe your gran will be impressed.
5. Skateboarder knee pads
When strapped to the knee with Paisley duct tape, the mouse pad makes the perfect knee pad for skateboarders.
Key Point: You will require a minimum of 2 mouse pads if they are to be used for this purpose (and possibly more, depending on how many knees you have).
Additional Key Point: This should be the main use for your mouse pad. Exercise is fundamental to good physical health and it is recommended that for every hour spent on the computer, an hour is also spent on the skateboard.
This will take care of most people’s days – indeed there is likely to be no time left to eat, sleep, work, or partake in other exertions of a more sensual and pleasurable kind.
6. Floor covering
If you have ever bought a 20-pack of mouse pads, this will be self-explanatory. When placed together on the floor, these will create a beautiful floor covering..
By buying a few packs more, you will soon be covering the floor of a whole room – and before you know it, you will be covering your entire house in beautiful decorative mouse pad flooring.
And why it must be a Paisley mouse pad
We might be biased but we genuinely believe that Paisley mouse pads – along with Paisley tote bags, Paisley bandanas, and Paisley shirts are up there with the ultimate Paisley design icons.
For the time we spend looking at computer screens, it pays to have a beautiful mouse pad – and they don’t come any more beautiful than in Paisley.
When your computer is on, you look at the screen. When you take a break from looking at the screen – as you should regularly – it is nice to have something beautiful to look at. In the absence of your heart’s desire, this is where your Paisley mouse pad comes in.
And as that computer is off, and you want to ponder how much time you have wasted online, maybe it is time for a nice cup of coffee or tea. And where better to put that steaming cup than on your heat-resistant mouse pad – if you have been canny enough to invest in a top-notch heat-resistant mouse pad.
So, I’ll leave it there. You should be convinced by now that you need that Paisley heat-resistant mouse pad – so buy it, then think of Paisley (the town in Scotland), think of the dead mice that went into the development of that technological marvel that is your mouse, think of the coasters that so inspired the creation of your mouse pad, and think of Bill Gates and the words he did not say, and possibly even think how a mouse pad makes your mouse work so much better.
Note – And to emphasise the point. Just Paisley has never spoken to Bill Gates, and I suspect it is not just 100% unlikely – it is impossible that he would have said the words attributed to him earlier.
To be clear – Bill Gates did not say those words! (Hopefully, that will prevent Microsoft’s legal team from breathing down my neck – which in itself is a disturbing thought to the upper half of my anatomy).