So, Just Paisley received an imaginary call from the agent of a Paisley Pattern soft glasses case the other day and was asked why we recently did an article on Paisley hard glasses cases… and not soft ones.
‘Have you any plans to do a piece on soft glasses cases?’ they asked.
‘Well, no, we were not even thinking about that, to be honest.’
‘Well, that is discriminatory,’ they replied. ‘My client will not take this well. When I think of the mood he was in, when we last spoke, you’ll probably be hearing from his lawyers.’
We didn’t know that soft glasses cases had agents or lawyers, but there you are.
So, much against our wishes, and we were planning an article about Paisley Pattern Danish Pastries, we compromised with the agent and agreed to their demands.
Reminder: None of the above is true! But if there had been a Paisley soft glasses case lawyer (and who knows), they would have been right – the variety and beauty of the Paisley soft eyeglasses case is truly astounding. And its versatility is even more astounding.
How protective are Paisley soft glass cases?
Not quite as effective as its hardened sibling, a soft glasses case still protects glasses. But, if you sit on it or drop it from a great height, the contained glasses are likely to break. So, while it is a protector, it is a gentle protector.
It protects from dust, not hammers.
It protects from stares, not stairs.
It protects from scratches, not bites.
While the hard glasses case is the muscle builder of the family, the soft glasses case tends to be the one that dresses beautifully for exercise but its only real exercise is putting on its exercise gear.
Why even bother with a soft glasses case?
The simple answer is that if there were no need for them, they would not exist. But they do. So, in theory, you should be satisfied with that. But, I’ll go further.
Every glasses wearer has broken an arm or leg – of their glasses. And the pain felt is greater than if it was their limb that was broken.
They feel stupid. They repeatedly ask themselves ‘Why did I put my glasses case down on that chair and sit on it?’ (Okay, if they broke their glasses in some other way, the question would be different but similar).
They ask themselves if they are losing it. They know that glasses are fragile creatures and that replacing or repairing them can be expensive. They think about what else they could have spent that cash on – and it is never groceries.
Their first thought is ‘What will I use to tape up the arm or leg?’ Then, having decided on Scotch tape, mini duct tape, sticking plasters, or whatever else they decide on, the horrific thought descends upon them ‘How stupid am I going to look for the next few days or weeks?’
They frantically check their diary. ‘Oh, no! I have a date on Friday.’ ‘I am attending a wedding on Saturday… and oh heck, it’s my wedding.’ ‘That presentation on Monday will decide if I get that promotion.’ They are broken.
It’s true. If there is anything that makes a normal person look like an imbecile more than a taped-up glasses arm or leg, I have yet to find it.
And the thing is, everyone – yes, everyone – will notice it. Normally, people will look at your glasses and decide instantly whether they like them – then they will move on. But, with a taped-up glasses arm or leg, they will only see the tape… repeatedly!
And you see they see the tape. If they immediately comment, then this is not so bad. You can explain. But if they don’t comment, you know they are thinking ‘Poor soul, they can’t even afford to replace or repair their glasses’, even though it only happened the day before.
And you know that even when you get them fixed, they will think you had to wait until your next paycheck.
So, if I haven’t convinced you of the need for a glasses case by now, let me throw in some other uses for your soft glasses case – but remember, these are only for when you are wearing your glasses. When not wearing them, always put them in your glasses case.
What are other uses for a soft glasses case?
1. Golf tees holder
Soft glasses cases are great for using as a pouch for your golf tees – if you are a golfer, and a golfer who wears glasses (and uses tees).
Once your golf round is over, and you eventually take off your glasses – possibly in the evening when you go to bed – you will find that you need to go down to the garage and go into your golf bag – not literally, you would not fit – and remove the tees from the golf bag.
What you do with them is up to you, but buying a permanent pouch for your tees should be on your list – a Paisley golf tees pouch, of course!
2. Wrapped confectionery holder
This is self-explanatory – but remember not to put naked chocolate in the adapted glasses case (If you need to ask why, ask someone else, but please be prepared to be ridiculed).
3. Dice holder
Soft fabricky glasses cases make great dice holders. Once you need to use the glasses case as a glasses case again, just put the dice back inside the game’s box, next to the pieces you move around the board.
4. Marbles holder
This is probably the most common alternative use for a glasses case – and the most dangerous!
When dropped on the floor, a marble-filled soft glasses case is an extremely dangerous slip hazard – so, if you are a fan of ‘How To Get Away With Murder', I guess this is one to be added to the list.
5. Small pet sleeping bag
This is self-explanatory. But, you might need to adjust the body clock of the small pet, so that its sleeping bag is available to it when required. I would recommend this in preference to you syncing your body clock to suit the small pet.
This means when you are awake and wearing your glasses, your small pet sleeps and vice-versa.
It is appreciated that this will not allow much time for you and your small pet to play, but if you want to maximise the usage of your cute glasses case, then this is the price you will need to pay.
6. Rock disguising weapon
If you want to hold a weapon by the side of your bed – and don’t want to own a gun – then a rock hidden in a glasses case makes a brilliant weapon. When an intruder asks ‘Where’s the safe?’, you answer, ‘Let me put on my glasses and show you.’
Bash!
Key Point: This particular option will require you to own a second glasses case – the one you actually keep your glasses in. It is always wise to place your ‘actual glasses case’ in the first drawer of your bedside cabinet, so as not to confuse yourself or your intruder.
7. Surprise holder
This is very generic but very apt! If you want to surprise someone with something small and pretend it is a pair of glasses, a soft fabricky small glasses case is just the job. Whether it is a ring, a bracelet, a pair of earrings, a watch, a key (to your head or front door), or a slightly dodgy small item, and I am now repeating myself – it is very apt!
8. Balloon holder
This is self-explanatory, but it should be pointed out that you should only attempt to keep non-inflated balloons in your glasses case.
9. Clothing item
Ideal as a cover for any part of the body it will fit, its decorative features will bring that part of the body to life e.g. hands or ears. I am sure you can also come up with your own suggestions.
Key Point:– If used this way, please wash your glasses case after use.
So, there it is! A Paisley soft glasses case – possibly crucial to your life, even when you don’t wear glasses.
