Paisley shoelaces – are they a thing? We all know Paisley comes in many forms – but shoelaces? Surely not?
Well, yes, they do! And, they come in different colours and lengths.
And apart from their obvious use, do you know there are at least 8 possible uses (and not all of them demand that you know how to tie shoelaces)?
But, just before we get to those 8 uses, Just Paisley must warn you. If you buy Paisley shoelaces, you better get used to hearing:
'I like your shoelaces.'
You of course will reply:
'Pity... I love my shoelaces.'
8 Uses For Paisley Shoelaces
1. Shoelace
Possibly its most obvious use, a Paisley shoelace makes an excellent shoelace. But unfortunately, they are not for every shoe. They are definitely not for brogues (unless you are an influencer and can get away with these things).
And they are not for traditional business shoes like plain black or brown shoes, even the pointy Rumpelstiltskin ones.
No, they are for casual shoes and their offspring , particularly a light-coloured shoe. Set against a basic white trainer, the Paisley shoelace brings it to life. Just look at the pair of Paisley red shoelaces below.
2. Measuring tape
If you are exactly 48 inches, 55 inches, or 64 inches tall – these shoelaces will measure your height exactly (as long as you remember to order those that correspond with your height).
Key Point: – If you are 96 inches tall, then tying together two 48-inch shoelaces won’t work as you have created a knot that will considerably shorten the length of the joined-together shoelaces. (Although tying shoelaces of different colors together will create an aesthetically pleasing long piece of something that can't be used for anything)
3. Wrapping twine
What could be better than wrapping a Paisley shirt in Paisley wrapping paper, and then tying it up in a Paisley shoelace?
So, if you are a Paisley nut, why not show off how much of a Paisley nut you are?
(And then book the honeymoon for Paisley, Scotland. Contact me and I will recommend some hotels).
4. Pretend eel
Ideal for those communities infested with invasive species, a carefully planted Paisley shoelace will give you ammunition to berate your local authority for not protecting the native wildlife in your waterways.
Key Point: Do not place the Paisley shoelace in a bath before someone enters it. Heart attacks are never, ever funny, even when they are the result of a prank! Neither is drowning!
5. Pretend monster worm
For 5, read 4.
6. Pretend skinny snake
For 6, read 4 and 5.
Just a warning here - if you overdo it and use my favourite - the stunning Paisley purple shoelace, it is unlikely anyone will believe this creature exists. Instead, they will probably think it is a shoelace.
7. Finger bandage
The Paisley bandana shoelace makes an ideal bandage for an injured finger.
Key Point: By continuously wrapping the shoelace around the injured finger, the bandage will become so thick it will start to affect (and possibly seriously injure your other fingers). That is why your shoelaces come in pairs.
Additional Key Point: Don’t apply a Paisley cream shoelace to a bloodied finger. It will probably ruin it (the shoelace that is). And if you apply the red Paisley bandana shoelace to it, it will look more bloodied than it is.
8. Another part of the body bandage
For 8, read 7, but don’t expect the bandage to become as thick (although that will depend on the body part). You know what I am saying!
Impressed? I thought you might be!
Note: These Paisley shoelaces are far too beautiful to be used as anything other than shoelaces. If you want to use shoelaces for unusual uses, we suggest you look at alternatives.