Why do you need a Paisley table runner? It's probably a question you ask yourself every day! Maybe not, but... even if you did, just once... well, a table runner is one of the most versatile dining objects – not quite as versatile as the steak knife, but much more so than the salt shaker.
And table runners don't get any more beautiful than those in the iconic Paisley Pattern.
Why a table runner and not a tablecloth?
If you want to show off your table, we think a table runner is for you. If you buy a black table, a white table runner acts as a beautiful contrast, as does every other existing colour, except beige which should only be used on the outside of a house.
Can you only use a table runner as a table runner?
Does this question mean can I use something else as a table runner or can I use a table runner as something else? Don’t worry, I have the answer to both:
1. Yes, you can.
2. Yes, you can.
What else can I use as a table runner?
We have some alternative table runner ideas for you, just in the event you can't find that perfect table runner:
Scarf
As long as the person who gave you the scarf is not attending your latest dinner party (and they should not be if they have given you a scarf that you would not wear), then if one of your actual guests – accidentally or deliberately spills a drink over it (preferably red wine) – it can be disposed of later without even the slightest hint of guilt.
Key Point: A Paisley scarf should not be used as a table runner. That would be such a waste.
What can't you wear with a red bandana Paisley table runner?
While it is a diversion, as we are talking about table runners, it is necessary to provide some advice that might save your fashion life.
Now, a Paisley red bandana table runner is beautiful (see below) and we always encourage you to buy one. If you adorn your table with that table runner, you should never wear a red Paisley bandana while dining at that table. However, it is considered cute and acceptable to put your dog's Paisley bandana on - on your dog - as that will also make you seem cute and acceptable.
What else can you use a table runner for?
Bed runner
After its use as a table runner, it can be placed across the bottom of a bed to make it look more aesthetically pleasing. There is no need to wash it (indeed, it would not be dry in time) because as highlighted above, nobody expects it to be free of stains of some kind.
And if you have guests – and I would only deploy it in the guest bedroom (mainly to remind guests that you are putting them up for free – and that they could just as easily have been paying for a hotel – and that this is the hotel experience they are managing to avoid) – your guests will appreciate the nice little finishing touch to their room – and if a little piece of leftover pizza has attached itself to the end, they might appreciate that little midnight snack.
Guidance system (and chafing protector)
A table runner can act as a directional tool for any post-party frivolity between yourself and your partner. This is likely to prevent embarrassing or painful falls at inappropriate moments.
The chafing protector bit should be self-explanatory.
Cost-saving dinner device
The tip is to buy a table runner that is too long for your table. This will allow guests sitting at the end of the table to use the table runner as a napkin or serviette, thereby saving you on the cost of napkins.
One relationship tip here – if you believe your partner is cheating with your best friend, and you have invited both to the dinner party, then an extra-long table runner stapled to the underside of your table, will prevent them from playing footsy.
Key Point: This will only be possible if you are in charge of the seating arrangements, and place your future ex across the table from your future ex-friend.
Additional Key Point: I know it is a long shot, but if your future ex or future ex-friend is wearing anything red bandanaish, make sure your proposed table runner is replaced with that red bandana table runner you should already have ordered. All's fair in love...
Car windscreen protector
On a hot sunny day, when the table runner would otherwise be achieving nothing, it can be deployed to protect your car from excess sun and heat, which is known to melt or discolour cheap upholstery and all chocolate.
In the winter (and in the summer if you are reading this in Siberia), the table runner is deployed to stop the windscreen from frosting up. Defrosting frosted-up windscreens always seems to take forever - so much so that if most people were asked if they had 30 seconds to live again, most would opt for that 30-second windscreen defrosting session. The only thing you can do during those 30 seconds is listen to the radio, so you should always have your favourite radio channel on – just in case.
Key Point: If you know there will be an early evening frost, you can re-schedule your eating time. In some states, this could lead to mid-afternoon dinners, which is great, but remember that too much alcohol might impair your efforts to place the table runner over the windscreen.
Also, if a police officer sees you in your vehicle, they might think you have just driven home from a hotel – and charge you with DUI and theft of hotel property.
One final point is that tables come in different states of cleanliness. This can be the greatest differentiator when choosing between a table runner and a tablecloth.
If your table is minging, and I appreciate that an international audience might not be aware of the word ‘minging’ (if you can be bothered, you can Google it). I’m guessing you have just carried on to this part of the sentence where I tell you that in this context, it means foul-smelling, dirty, or food-stained. Where this is the case, a tablecloth is preferred over a table runner, particularly where the dirt or stains are widespread.
If you decide to go with a tablecloth, Just Paisley recommends a Paisley tablecloth, and of course, there are many to choose from Otherwise, stick to that table runner.
Note: All of our featured table runners are far too beautiful to be used as anything other than a table runner.