A Paisley shower curtain makes for a beautiful boho shower curtain. But, at Just Paisley, just for fun, we decided to look at some other wacky (unreal) uses for it. But, first:
What is a shower curtain?
A decorative shower curtain is placed outside the shower tub when showering. This is distinct from a shower curtain liner which is placed inside the bath while showering. When combined, the liner acts as the protector of the curtain, and it is the one that will suffer from the mold, mildew, and dirty soapy stains that are a result of our trying to keep ourselves clean.
But before you start to feel sorry for the liner, remember the vinyl from which it is generally made could have been used to make flooring, which would be continuously stood on.
Generally, as we humans tend to be lazy with our language, we normally refer to a curtain liner as a shower curtain. That ‘bigs up’ the liner, which I suppose will give it some consolation for its shorter life. Curtains are normally more expensive and while they are not hard-wearing, the fact that they are afforded protection generally means they live longer.
Key Point: For those unaffected by cost, some will use a curtain without a liner. It is their choice. As humans use our ingenuity to mitigate our laziness, a hybrid curtain/liner is out there to be beautifully decorative and quick to clean with a rub.
Shower curtains/liners are a necessity if you have a shower and use it.
If you have a shower and don’t use it, or don’t have a shower, it is practically pointless – unless you of course use it for some of our remaining... alternative uses.
8 Alternative Uses For Your Paisley Shower Curtain
1. Small Person Body Bag
If you can find a zippable shower curtain, you have also found that perfect small-person body bag – commonly known as a cadaver pouch.
I personally haven’t seen a zippable shower curtain, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Humans, as entrepreneurial as they can be lazy, have the wherewithal to create ‘unisex’ clothing - I expect one of them to create a zippable small-person shower liner body bag - preferably in Paisley. If not, you could improvise with duct tape - Paisley duct tape of course!
2. Relationship Calendar
Relationships, like shower curtains, eventually go stale, moldy, mildewy, and musty. Any serious shower curtain will talk to you without saying anything, and this expertise in non-verbal communication makes them superb relationship experts. So, when your shower liner starts to get discoloured, smelly, and scummy, it tells you your current beau/belle needs to be replaced.
Tip: Ask your current partner to take your existing shower curtain to your local waste disposal site, then permanently close the door on both of them.
3. Waterproof Picnic Blanket (Euphemism)
As Neil Sedaka once sang, and probably still does, there is nothing more romantic than strolling along a country road with your baby, when it starts to rain, prompting you both to start laughing maniacally. Soaked to the skin, because neither of you had the foresight to bring an umbrella, the water accentuates your thinning hair.
Fortunately, you have the perfect answer, a beautiful green shower curtain that you had packed, just in case the date with your small partner had not gone well. The wetness accentuates every curve and pointy bit of their body, you reach out and wipe the drop of water hanging from the end of your partner’s nose. It looks like they have a runny nose and nothing is romantic about that.
The rain has brought you together forever. You will never forget the moment. Your clothes are saturated, and all you can do is chortle. In a few years, you will probably say to your future partner ‘Remember that time we went walking in the woods - you forgot an umbrella - it started to rain, despite our local weather station saying that the risk of precipitation was 3%, and we just spread out our shower curtain, lay down and made the most beautiful love ever?’
And your future partner, wanting to be that person who made the most beautiful love to you, will not say ‘That wasn’t me, but will instead say ‘Yes, what happened to that beautiful shower curtain - stroke - picnic - stroke - love blanket?’
Tip: If you are quick enough, you do not need to get wet. You can drape the shower curtain over your heads - like a makeshift parachute without the ripcord - thereby preventing a lock of your thinning hair from appearing thinner, and from having that embarrassing conversation with future partners - although, can you be embarrassed if you are never told that you are wrong?
This takes us on nicely to…
4. Practice Parachute
A shower curtain, despite not having a ripcord, makes a perfect practice parachute. Just remember to unroll it before use.
Key Point: Do not attempt to jump from any height over 6 inches with your Paisley shower curtain. A shower curtain is not a parachute!
5. Paisley wall art
The most beautiful Paisley shower curtains also make beautiful Paisley wall art for your lounge. So, once out of the shower, if you have bought a quick self-drying shower curtain, you can stick it up on the most prominent wall of your lounge - ideal if there is currently nothing on that wall.
In addition to being a fabulous talking point for that awkward ‘first time you make them a meal occasion’, it will also prevent your lounge wall from getting wet, should things escalate.
If your guest really is ‘the one’, they will return from the room where you normally hang your shower curtain (possibly your shower room), and say ‘I know what I am buying you for your birthday'. This may be a tad presumptuous on their part, in terms of the possible longevity of the relationship. However, when they say ‘a Paisley shower curtain’, this will immediately and automatically elevate them to the status of 'keeper'.
On the other hand, if they say 'a stripy shower curtain' because shower curtains generally only last for around 6 months, it’s not so good if your birthday was last week. Due to you knowing you will have a new curtain in just under a year, you will find yourself not replacing the existing curtain when you should, and your partner, despite being extremely annoying, will also be around a little longer than you were planning.
So, woe betide the partner that doesn't plump for a Paisley curtain shower!
6. Watermelon carrier
Shower curtains make great watermelon carriers. With your shower curtain placed flat on or inside a nearly flat surface, like a bath, you can place as many watermelons as you like on the curtain, wrap them, and then carry them.
The number of watermelons will not be the limiting factor here. The weight of the watermelons will! Even though watermelons are primarily made of … water… water can be heavy when enough of it forms in one place. For example, you might think you would be able to lift an iceberg. Iceberg lettuce - possibly! An iceberg? No - highly unlikely!
So, with baths notoriously difficult places to extract watermelons from, I beseech you! Please do not overdo the watermelons!
7. Cat Flap Blocker
Rolled-up shower curtains make great cat flap blockers. Their waterproofing properties make water ingress through the flap almost impossible, although please check manufacturer claims on the water resistance quality of their curtain.
Tip: If they claim 200% resistance, they are best avoided.
8. Sled/Sledge/Toboggan/Sleigh/Luge/Bobsleigh/Slide
A Paisley shower curtain liner can look so colourful as it whizzes past you at speed – preferably when sliding on snow. Their poly qualities make them ultra slippery, as you probably recall from nearly slipping in the bath on one.
Key Point: A fabric shower curtain does not make a perfect sled, and if you have tried yours for that purpose, you are an idiot!
Note - All the featured shower curtains are far too beautiful to be used as anything other than a shower curtain. If you want to use a shower curtain for any of our other suggested possible uses, our suggestion would turn into a recommendation - DON'T!!!